I am finding things so tough at the moment. The schools broke up yesterday for the school holidays and I can’t stop imaging what life would be like if you were both here.

Mollie would have been so excited with all her girlfriends as they talked and giggled about how life would be at Secondary School next term and Lucy starting Primary School as one of the oldest in her year.

As I’d intended to be a full time mum when I was pregnant with you Lucy, we would have all that to look forward to in September but we’d also have a whole 6 weeks together doing girlie things and having fun together!

Instead, I’m here, on my own, just wondering how things would have been. Families all around me having their ups and downs but getting on with family life. I’m keeping busy organising this years charity night and while its all I can do to keep you in peoples minds as well as raising money for charity, it’s not what I should or want to be doing.

My dreams and aspirations for you both now gone but in my minds eye you are whatever I want you to be.  My 2 gorgeous blonde haired, blue eyed girls, laughing, dancing, happy, beautiful and cherished.

It’s 5 years next month since I lost you Moll and then you Lucy just 5 weeks after that and I don’t know how I’ve survived it but I have. It’s such a tough and emotional journey, trying to function whilst hiding the pain in my heart from those around me. I try to laugh as I don’t want people to think I’m depressing to be around but when I close my eyes at night, you’re there, right before me and it hurts, so much.

I will love and miss you forevermore and I take comfort knowing you’re with me, somehow, somewhere.

Till we meet up once again, BIG hugs and kisses to you both – Mum xx

Jackie

Thank you for your lovely message you left on Sibel's site.

The strange thing is I also remembered it was your Dad's birthday and so you were in my thoughts also.

I wished him a happy birthday and imagined the party going on up there, his beautiful granddaughters running around him laughing and smiling. 

Its never an easy road for us on this side of life.  Like you so accurately said its something that will never heal or get better.

But having friends like yourself helps make this jouney less isolating & lonely and for that I am truly grateful.

Take care of yourself & thank you once again for being such a beautiful friend.

My love to Mollie, Lucy, Sibel and your lovely Dad until we can be with them again.

Hello sweetheart

Sorry I couldnt make it yesterday but you and your family were in my thoughts...

I hope somewhere in heaven, you, Lucy, Sibel & Rosie and all your other angel friends had a groovy birthday party. I hope you had saved me some cake too!

I know that we all miss you over here, especially Mummy & Daddy.

Carry on watching over them with your beautiful smile Mollie.  You are truly blessed in having such special parents.

God bless my darling always...

Funda x 

TO MY DAUGHTER MOLLIE

I wonder what you’d be like now,
How tall you’d be, how long your hair?,
Eleven years old, so grown up and tall
What kind of person would you be?
One thing’s for sure, you were so popular
You’d be a real social butterfly with lots of friends
Cheerful and bubbly yet sweet and kind

What kind of music and clothes would you be into?
Disco Diva and trendy clothes
Or a Goth or a Rocker with a style of your own?
Would you have any aspirations and dreams?
My only aspiration was for you to be happy
And whilst you were here I know I achieved that
Such a happy beautiful child, loved by so many people.

And now Mollie, as the years pass by
You can now be whatever I imagine you to be,
The many thoughts of you will always make me happy
But your loss will always make me sad.

We had such a beautiful, wonderful life together
I know that would have remained true friends
You were my whole life and I will always love you,
Miss you and Grieve for you Forever

We ‘meet’ each night when I go to sleep
Listening to the ocean, I take you & Lucy to the beach
And we have fun, chat and cuddle
And as I used to say to you each night
“Blue skies and fluffy white clouds
And jumping up and down in the waves,
The sun in the sky and seagulls flying,
Eating ice cream and sand between your toes”

My gorgeous daughter and best friend Mollie
Till we meet again, watch over your mum
Come visit me in my dreams and meet me on our beach (please bring Lucy too!)

Love You Moon & Back Much! –

Happy birthday Gorgeous - Mum xx

Happy 11th Birthday

to a beautiful girl

I hope Lucy & all the other angels

give the best birthday

Love & Hugs Mollie

from

Kayleigh's nanny Irena

& of course Kayleigh

(((XXXXXXXXXXX)))

Happy Birthday Princess Mollie
It's sure to be the best one yet,
Though you left us here behind.
Did you think that we'd forget?

Your cake this year, will surely be,
A beauty to behold.
With the icing made of Silver,
And the candles made of Gold.

Yes your birthday in Heaven,
Will be such a grand affair.
And We know you'll look so lovely,
With a halo in your hair.

The Angels will come from everywhere,
To sing your birthday song.
And We know they'll be so happy,
That you've joined, God's Happy Throng.

No I can't send a card this year,
Or give a gift so fine.
So I'll just send a special prayer,
To that beautiful daughter of mine.

I heard you crying yesterday
And felt your heart-sent love
So I’m sending you this message
Now, from Heaven up above.

You’re wondering if I’ll celebrate
My birthday (way up here)
I know you’re missing me today
I feel your essence near.

God planned a special day for me
He told me with a wink
He’d ordered me a special cake
(It’s Angel food, I think)

I’m getting lots of hugs from God
He’s really good at that
And every time that I walk by
He gives my head a pat

Balloons will fill the streets for me
They float up through the clouds
And we have lots of clowns up here
That make us laugh out loud

There is a birthday carousel
Jeweled horses ride the wind
With music playing oh so sweet…
The magic never ends

I’ve made so many friends, you see
We laugh and play and sing
We ride our bikes and play jump rope
And sleep in Angel’s wings

We’ll have our cake and ice cream
And open gifts, surprise!
But we don’t blow out our candles here
Instead, they light the skies

Hi Girls,

Mummy's having a really tough time at the moment. I've been doing so 'well' but have crumbled this weekend and can't stop weeping - the very glimpse of your pictures or beautiful thoughts of you, set me off crying.

I'm now in my fifth year of this life sentence and I can honestly say that the light in my life has been extinguished. No matter how hard I try to be happy for your sakes, something knocks me back.

I have the happiest life I could have without you here. Me and your dad have 2 great close friends who have introduced us to a great new circle of friends and social life - we get out and about and I do function everyday by going to work and getting out (been to London twice this year and Madrid) but all of this is really meaningless without you here.

I went to rounders practice yesterday and one of the girls was there with her daughter who’s the same age as Mollie. It made me weep inside to watch her play and her mum being so proud of her but outwardly I can’t show anything, just wear the dreaded ‘mask’ and smile’.

I can’t motivate myself to organise a charity night this year despite people willing to help – it all seems unfair that that is all I can do without you here. What is the point of anything!

Life without children here is so very hard for me, the house is too quiet and tidy but it is my sanctuary. I light my candles and imagine you are with me, daft I know but how else do I cope?
I wish we could be blessed with another child to give us hope and a future but it seems unlikely now. It scares me to think of spending the rest of my days without a child to love and cherish but I always have you two to carry me through.

We had such a wonderful life together Mollie, you were my best friend who brought me so much joy and I miss you each and every day. Losing Lucy, meant losing a future after having cruelly lost you and my dreams and aspirations for you both lost forever. 

I hope you are together and that one day we will be reunited – can’t wait!

All my love, hugs and kisses to you both
Mummy xx

Hoppy Easter to

two beautiful girls

hope its

Eggstra special for you both

love & hugs always

xoxoxoxox

Happy Valentines 
Mollie
have a fun time
but watch out for them boys
love & hugs
xoxoxox